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165 QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE YOU SAY “I DO”

A. TEMPERAMENT

1) Am I an introvert or an extrovert?

2) Do I truly have confidence in myself?

3) Am I slow in trusting people?

4) Am I particular about things being orderly?

5) Do I like noise or am I extremely quiet?

6) Am I an indoor or outdoor person?

7) Do I really know my intended spouse?

8) Is my intended spouse flexible or inflexible?

9) Is my partner passive, domineering, manipulative, or a firm person?

10) Am I really in low spirit when I’m with this person?

11) Can he/she make the best of a bad situation?

12) Is my intended spouse vindictive?

13) Does he/she delight in other people’s misfortunes?

14) Is he/she excessively proud?

15) Does he/she have a good sense of humor?

16) Is my partner teachable?

17) Am I emotionally stable enough for marriage?

18) What is my attitude towards conflict?

19) Is he/she overly possessive?

20) Is he/she continually dissatisfied?

21) Does she have uncontrollable impulse?

22) Is my partner modest?

23) Does he/she have an insatiable yearning for excitement and adventurous living?

*B. EDUCATION*

24) What am I intellectually, and what intellectual ability will be an encouragement or a threat to me?

25) What type of person can I provide intellectual leadership for?

26) What degree of ignorance will disturb me?

27) What academic and intellectual ability should my spouse have?

28) Does my partner have a thirst for knowledge?

29) What books or journals interest my partner?

30) What is my partner’s attitude towards education?

31) Am I comfortable with my partner’s level of education?

32) How much does my partner know about parenthood?

33) How knowledgeable is my partner outside of his/her own discipline?

34) Does he/she tease or insult my intelligence?

35) Is my partner over-reliant on intelligence or does he/she rely on the Holy Spirit?

36) Does my partner carry on like a know-it-all?

*C. BACKGROUND*

37) Is he/she from a broken home?

38) Do we have God-fearing parents?

39) Were our parents leaders in any way?

40) How did his/her father treat his/her mother and siblings?

41) Was his/her mother very dependent or independent minded?

42) How much of my past does my intended know about?

43) Do I really know all I need to know about my intended’s future?

44) How much of my intended’s past am I willing to accept and put behind me?

45) What kind of reputation does he/she have?

46) What are my holiday customs?

47) Do we have different family values?

48) Has my partner been in a marriage relationship before?

49) Are we from the same tribe or culture?

50) Do I know everything I need to know about my partner’s health and medical history?

*D. COMMITMENT*

51) How much does he/she love God?

52) What is his/her view on sin?

53) Does she delight in giving?

54) Are we committed Christians or nominal Church-goers?

55) For how long has my intended being committed to God?

56) Can my intended spouse complement my efforts to accomplish my purpose in life?

57) Can my intended spouse help me to achieve my God given vision in life?

58) Can this person meet my needs spiritually, physically, mentally, and financially?

59) Do I have pastoral and parental approval?

60) Do we have peace in our current relationship?

61) Am I ready to live with this person for the rest of my life?

62) Do I always give more than what I receive from the relationship?

63) Are we in love and committed to each other, or is one of us forcing or manipulating the other into marriage for some reason?

64) Does he/she know me?

65) Are we of the same faith?

66) Does he/she make sacrifices for me?

67) Is this relationship drawing me closer to God?

*E. RESPECT*

68) Can I proudly introduce my spouse-to-be to my friends?

69) Do I know my partner’s strengths and weaknesses?

70) Do I relate to him/her as a friend?

71) Do I accept his/her friends as my friends?

72) Is there mutual giving and sharing in the relationship?

73) How does my partner relate to his/her friends?

74) How does my partner relate to his/her siblings?

75) Do I like the way he/she makes decisions?

76) Would I honestly be delighted to marry this person?

77) Are our arguments healthy or nasty?

78) Do we bring out the best in each other?

79) Is he/she constantly in conflict with authority?

80) Is my intended spouse responsible, honorable and dependable?

81) Is my intended spouse respectful to people in general without knowing who they are?

82) Do we pay each other compliments?

83) Do I trust my partner?

84) Will I be drained of my individuality, personality, creativity, dreams and hopes, self-respect, dignity, and significance if I marry this person?

85) Lady: Will you be submissive to him?

86) Lady: Am I treated like an inferior, superior or equal partner?

*F. SEX*

87) Am I worried about sexual compatibility?

88) How do we look physically?

89) Do I prefer a particular complexion in the opposite sex?

90) Do admire a particular feature in the opposite sex?

91) Are we virgins?

92) Do we have children elsewhere?

93) Am I emotionally attached to this person?

94) Do we get involved in heavy petting, necking and kissing?

95) Does my intended spouse make sexual demands of me?

96) Do we want to get married because we want to experience sex and escape from problems?

97) Do we prefer children of a particular sex?

98) Is my intended spouse flirtatious?

99) Is he/she pre-occupied with sex or sex-related subjects, movies and books?

*G. COMMUNICATION*

100) What are my speech patterns, thoughts, and actions like?

101) How do we communicate?

102) Do I like teasing people and can I stand being teased?

103) Do we spend time communicating verbally or do we spend time touching each other?

104) Do I interact freely with my intended spouse?

105) Does he/she listen to my suggestions, ideas, and ideals?

106) Does my partner talk down at me?

107) What is my partner’s choice of words?

108) Does he/she listen when I talk?

109) Does my partner avoid issues or discuss them?

110) How committed is my partner to maintaining healthy communication?

111) Do I feel free to disagree with my partner on any issue?

112) Have we discussed our differences?

*H. FINANCES*

113) Are we extravagant, thrifty, or stingy?

114) Do we have jobs that will take care of our bills?

115) Are we going to have a joint account?

116) Who will control the family budget?

117) Are we going to share expenditure?

118) Do I know how much my partner earns currently?

119) Does my intended spouse earn more than me?

120) Is one of us going to depend solely on the other?

121) Is he/she fussy about financial accountability?

122) Is my partner overly money conscious?

123) Do he/she make a point of paying back borrowed money?

124) What does he/she consider a wise investment?

125) What are our my views on taking loans?

126) How much of our earnings should we save?

127) What degree of wealth does he/she consider un-Godly?

*I. IN-LAWS*

128) How do my parents feel about this person?

129) Do his/her parents speak to him/her in a foreign language when I am around?

130) How do I or my intended feel about co-habitation?

131) Does my intended spouse always involve his/her family in our decisions?

132) Does my partner respect my parents?

133) Do we have parents that will be entirely dependent on us?

134) Do the parents on either side respect each other?

135) Are we going to have in-laws staying with us when we get married?

136) Does his/her culture permit transfer of property on my death?

137) Does his/her culture permit fetish practices?

138) Does my partner regard my parents as his/her own?

139) Will my partner’s parents have a positive impact on me?

140) Do I feel comfortable in the presence of my partner’s parents?

*J. SENSITIVE CONTRADICTIONS*

141) Is he/she relatively healthy or frequently sick?

142) Am I or is he/she physically handicapped in any way?

143) Do I or does he/she have an unpleasant body odor?

144) How do I or how does he/she behave when ill?

145) How do I or how does he/she react to sick people?

146) Are our genotypes compatible?

147) What initiated our present relationship?

148) In what ways do we hurt each other?

149) Have I seen my partner react outside the ideal situation?

150) Do I feel emotionally improved when I am with my partner?

151) Is my partner capable of being a good father/mother?

152) Is my intended spouse a good homemaker?

153) Would I like to see my partner’s characteristics, mannerisms, and habits in my children?

154) Am I marrying my partner because I want to change him/her?

155) Do we want children? How many?

156) Do we have an agreement concerning make-up and other particular ways of dressing?

157) What are my eating habits compared to that of my partner?

158) Do I mind interchanging duties?

159) What are our work ethics?

160) Can we play together?

161) Have we had counseling?

162) Do I feel accepted and warm with this person?

163) How different are we in age?

164) Has any of us suffered from sexual abuse?

165) What is his/her attitude towards repentance and forgiveness?

_Only you can give/get appropriate answers to these questions_

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